18 Serious Relationship Questions to Ask Before You Commit

It can be difficult to know if you are ready for a long-term relationship. If so, how do you know when it is time to take the next step in your love life and enter into a meaningful partnership with someone special? It’s important that you first establish what kind of values matter to you in a relationship before setting your expectations too high or too low.

You can start by thinking about what is most important to you when it comes to relationships and love. For example, if you believe that a committed, monogamous relationship with someone who shares your values is the best way to find happiness, then you have to make sure you are both on the same page about that. When you’re looking for something more than a casual fling, both of you must be ready for an exclusive relationship, perhaps with the goal of marriage in mind.

Some people’s values are simply to have someone who will listen and support them through life’s ups and downs without getting too serious or even a friend with benefits arrangement. This may be just a phase that progresses into wanting something more serious, but even if this is the case, you must know whether the individual would consider being in a serious relationship with you in the future.

Make sure both of you share similar values and expectations, as this will save heartache later on down the road and increase the odds of a successful relationship. If not, it’s best to end things sooner rather than later before either one starts getting attached or invested in something that won’t go anywhere. Long term relationships can have bumpy beginnings, no matter if this is your first time getting serious or if you are a relationship expert. Sometimes we put too much hope into a potential partner who isn’t ready for what we truly want from them which leads us only to feel disappointment once the other person breaks our hearts after failing to meet our expectations. Hanging onto false hopes doesn’t do anyone any good so be honest with yourself.

On the other hand, if you are on the same page about serious relationships and even marriage in particular, it is important to figure out as much as possible about what your partner thinks and how they see your relationship. Asking the right questions can uncover areas of the relationship that might need work and bring valuable lessons to you as a couple. These don’t have to necessarily be deep questions, but they should make both of you think. So, if you are ready to go a step further, then ask yourself and your partner these eighteen questions before entering a serious relationship to make sure your expectations of each other are realistic.

Question 1: What does it mean for us to be in an exclusive committed relationship?

People signing a contract. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Is this what we both want from our love lives or is there confusion here? This question is important because it helps you get a better idea of what each partner wants from the relationship. If you have conflicting expectations, it’s critical to find out whether either one is prepared to alter its path for the sake of making both people happy.

Question 2: Do we have the same values on family and relationships?

Family Picture. Photo by Emma Bauso

This is a big one because it determines whether you can make a real commitment to each other. If either of you has different expectations from your partner that go against these core values, then there will be problems down the road as those differences continue to grow larger over time.

Question 3: Can we resolve conflict without breaking up?

We all have disagreements in our relationships, but some couples are more likely to end things after a fight than others. If you and your partner can’t work through conflicts together then you’re setting yourself up for failure because problems will only escalate over time if they aren’t resolved early on in the relationship.

Question 4: Do our life goals align?

If you’re both in agreement about your future, then it’s a good sign for things to come. If one person wants kids while another does not or if there are other major differences between what each of you want out of life, these could be signs that the relationship is doomed to fail. It’s best to be on the same page about things like having children or whether you want an active social life due to conflicting priorities that will distance your partner from you in the end.

Question 5: What is your favorite memory?

This one may seem casual, but it can make you reflect more than some deep questions. You’ll be surprised at how much someone’s memories can tell you about them as a whole. If your partner’s favorite memory is from a time in which you were together, this is a great sign that you’re both sharing something special. But this can depend on how long you have been together. If their favorite memory is generic and not related specifically to you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are not into you. A big red flag is if they bring something from past relationships, ouch!

Question 6: What are your views on marriage?

Marriage, wedding ceremony. Photo by sergio souza.

While not everyone is destined for the same things in life, this question gives you a better idea of whether your values align when it comes to wanting children or if one partner wants something that the other doesn’t desire at all. It’s best to find out this information sooner rather than later because it can save you a lot of heartache and confusion about what your future together might look like.

Question 7: Do we have similar ways of handling conflict?

This is a big one because it determines how open and honest each person can be with the other. If one person always resorts to name calling or shutting down when confronted, then it’s probably best to cut ties sooner rather than later so you don’t have the burden of resentment built up over time. Avoiding honest conversations in their approach to conflict can be an early sign of an abusive relationship.

Question 8: How do we handle our finances?

Money can be a major source of stress in relationships if partners aren’t on the same page about how to manage it. But before expecting your partner to be good with money, you should be financially responsible in your own life. If you’re constantly stressed out over spending habits or if one person is generous while another isn’t, this could ruin your relationship before long so be sure to have a conversation early on in order to avoid problems down the road.

It is also important to keep in mind that people don’t start at the top, so in case your partner’s financial situation isn’t optimal right now, you have to consider their potential and how their studies, opportunities, or discipline may influence their prospects in terms of improving their financial situation in the future.

Question 9: Do we communicate well?

Honest communication is key for a healthy relationship. How often do you and your partner talk? Do they go out of their way to share important things with you or do they keep a lot from you because it makes them uncomfortable?

You also have to look at yourself here, are you being mature enough to admit your own mistakes? Do you worry about one thing and take it up on your partner when they have nothing to do with it?

If there is a lack of communication, then this will cause problems down the road as trust issues grow larger over time.

Question 10: What would you consider to be a bad relationship?

Bad relationships are those where one person feels taken advantage of or is consistently unhappy with the situation. Sometimes we know how that feels from first-hand experience because of previous relationships.

Here are some examples of red flags when it comes to relationships:

  • Threatening to leave the relationship.
  • Constantly bringing up their last relationship.
  • Having different interests than your partner and not making an effort to include them in your life.
  • Constantly feeling like you need to compete for their attention.
  • Being dismissed or minimized when you try to communicate.

So, If you feel like your partner isn’t making an effort, doesn’t value you as a person, or makes you feel bad about yourself in any way then it’s time to let go and move on because this relationship won’t end well.

Question 11: How much effort does each person put into making the relationship work?

It’s generally not fair for one person to be doing all the work when it comes to building up your love life since both people should help make an effort in order for it to succeed. Like the song says, you need to show love with “more than words”, and actions are what determine a person’s real character. This question helps identify who is more willing than others which can tell you how likely that person would stick around once hard times come knocking on your door.

Question 12: What are some deal breakers?

Deal breaker. Photo by Vera Arsic.

A deal breaker is something that you know will lead to the end of your relationship so it’s important to share what those are to avoid problems down the road. This could be something as simple as cheating, good hygiene, or even long-distance relationships. On the other hand, people also differ in how they see some of these issues, for example, if your partner says cheating is a dealbreaker, a good follow-up question may be to ask them to define cheating. But whatever it may be, you know what you can deal with and what is a no-go so don’t keep these secrets from your partner!

Question 13: Do we have conflicting religious beliefs or practices?

People tend to be drawn together because of similar beliefs, so if your partner is holding out on sharing these with you or limiting your freedom to participate in your religion, then it might lead to issues later down the road since things could get uncomfortable quickly. If this person truly loves you they won’t care about which religion that you are a part of.

Question 14: Do our political views align?

Similar to religious beliefs, it’s important that both partners are aware and can live with each other’s political views to avoid unnecessary discussions. It’s not just about agreeing with each other, but also respecting their opinions even if you don’t necessarily agree with them.

Quarreling about political views is one of the leading causes for arguments in relationships. That’s not to say that it’s impossible for couples with different political views to make it work. It just takes a lot of effort, especially in this highly polarized political climate we currently live in.

Religious and political views are shaped throughout a lifetime, so it’s important that both people discuss what they see in their futures and make sure that these views align before moving forward with a serious relationship.

Question 15: How important is it that we stay fit and healthy together?

Couple biking together. Picture by Solares Flares.

Keeping your body healthy is important because you want to feel confident and good about how you look for the person that you love, but it’s also a way of showing them that they are worth taking care of – especially if their health is in jeopardy. Some people think this isn’t an issue when looking for someone to date and may be surprised by how much of an impact it has on their relationship.

Question 16: Are we completely honest with each other?

It’s normal for people to keep some secrets from their partners, but there are certain things that you shouldn’t be keeping hidden like your addictions, STD status, and whether you’ve been unfaithful in past relationships. If either of these is a secret, it could lead to problems down the road since once discovered they trust issues may arise.

Remember, when you’re getting serious with someone, you should let them see parts of your own life that you wouldn’t offer others. They are supposed to be your best friend, and best friends don’t judge, they understand. No two persons have gone through the same thing, so talk about your problems and how you struggle with them, if they love you they will help you overcome your problems and show they are someone you can fully trust.

Question 17: How do we solve problems together?

The way couples choose to solve their differences says a lot about how likely they’ll stick around with one another until better days come along. It’s important that both people feel heard when trying to resolve issues so neither person feels unappreciated or taken advantage of while also working together to find a mutually beneficial solution.

Question 18: Do we love each other unconditionally?

Unconditional Love. Photo by Git Stephen Gitau.

If there are conditions on your relationship, then it’s best to let go of this person because they aren’t worth fighting for. You should never have to put in extra effort when you’re committed wholly and unconditionally otherwise someone will take advantage of the situation which can cause problems later down the road if not resolved right away. Unconditional love is the ultimate proof that you have connected with someone at a deeper level.

Bonus questions:

Question 19: What’s on your bucket list?

We all have things that we’ve always wanted to do before we die. While this is a personal question, it can tell you about some of your partner’s basic desires which could have an impact on how likely they are to stick around in the long run. It is also one of those fun questions, simply talking about it might shed light on plans or dream your partner has with you that they may not have revealed previously.

Question 20: How important is your independence?

If you want to be happy with someone, then it’s important that they give you the space and freedom to do your own thing as well – this means creating time apart for yourself and having a life outside of them which should also include hobbies and social circles. It’s not uncommon for men to have “independent women scare” and also for ladies to harbor negative feelings regarding some men’s proclivity for solitude.

If one person tries to control the other or take away their freedom, then it will create tension and resentment over time. Some people list independence as one of their top priorities, and studies show freedom correlates with people’s happiness. So make sure to be flexible and accept that your partner may need some alone time and that both of you may have different interests.

Don’t try to monopolize decision-making and don’t feel threatened when your partner wants to do something you don’t. As long as they aren’t doing something that would be a deal-breaker or that is detrimental to the relationship, give them the space to be who they are, remember they were completely free before meeting you, and you fell in love with them because of it too! A respectful sense of independence is very important in any long term commitment.

Question 21: How’s our sex life?

Questions about sex are always difficult, but they’re an integral part of relationships and adult life. It is also normal to decide to wait until after marriage to take it to the next level, but this is becoming something less frequent in today’s society. But sex remains somewhat taboo and most people have difficulty communicating how they truly feel about it.

Your sex life is something you should talk about with your partner. It might offer you valuable insight into what both of you enjoy. People show affection in many ways and one of the most basic and natural forms of doing it is through shared intimacy and physical touch. Being comfortable with your partner increases the chance of having quality time when just the two of you are behind closed doors. It’s normal for couples to go through lulls in their sex lives, and it might not be a big deal. But if the problem persists then there may be deeper issues at play that need to be addressed.

Question 22: Do you want to start a family?

Picture by August de Richelieu

This is a question that will come up eventually, and it’s one of the most serious questions to ask your partner. It’s an important decision to make together, and there are many factors to consider such as financial stability, location, number of children desired, etc.

Some couples feel a strong desire to start a family right away, while others may want to wait until they’re more financially stable or have achieved other milestones in their lives before becoming parents. There are no right or wrong answers, but both partners must discuss such a serious decision.


Something beautiful happens when things start becoming more familiar and the excitement of a new relationship grows into the optimistic sentiment of a shared future. Hopefully, you will learn a lot about how the two of you work as a couple by answering all these questions. If you feel like there is a serious connection then it’s time to take the next step and make things official.

Asking the right relationship questions will help you see what the future holds for you and your partner and whether it’s worth moving forward. If you’re serious about the person that you are dating, then these questions will give them a chance to just be themselves. If they can’t answer honestly then it might be best to rethink your relationship.

But remember, there are no wrong answers, as each of these reveals a bit more of the true character of a couple you may find yourself with the certainty of a beautiful long-term relationship.

“Talk about your relationship openly and honestly. This will help build trust and make it easier to resolve any problems that may arise.”

Do you have suggestions of questions to ask? Feel free to contact us and we will add them to our article!

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